La Piazza

Published by Ana Etxebarria

Social media has become an extension of the high school playground for the vast majority of teenagers, with its share of flirting, drama, cruelty and flashes of maturity.

In addition, electronic behavior has become a new frontier of parenting and, as a result, our own behavior may be changing as fast as our kids. We’re watching them more closely, talking to them more about online activities and understanding that social media has become part of growing up.

Friends

Another surprising fact is that 80 percent of parents who use social media (and who also have a child who uses social media) have friended their child on these sites.

This ‘friendship’ poses a dilemma for parents, who have to choose between being controlling parents who check which websites their children have visited, use parental control software, etc, or permissive parents who don’t embrace the trend to monitor and encourage their children’s autonomy.

According to recent studies, only a small percentage of parents (about 15 percent) consciously avoid monitoring their children’s online activities because they trust them. In my opinion that is an incredibly low figure.

I am a mother of three and I belong to a generation where social interaction between children took place in the playground. Well, let my tell you something: back then parents also fell into one of the aforementioned two categories. There were those who didn’t trust their children despite in some cases not having a reason for not doing so, and those who trusted them. Luckily, my parents belonged to the latter group although I had close friends whose parents showed an incredibly high level of distrust towards them.

So, if you think you know your children well enough, there is good communication between you and them, you are a good role model for them, and there is no reason to the contrary…Why not trust your kids? Why are we so worried and why some of us get so intrusive?

Not so long ago a friend of mine told me that they had installed some sort of ‘spyware’ (I can’t find a better word for it) on their 11-year-old son’s computer and they monitor every step he takes online: the games he plays, the sites he visits, the time he spends on each page, the photos he downloads, who he chats with, the content of his conversations, etc. Isn’t it terrible? That’s like reading someone’s journal, tapping their phone lines or hiding cameras in every room in their apartment.

Do you monitor your child’s social media activities? Do you use parental controls? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your opinions or personal experiences.

Published by Ana Etxebarria

A couple of weekends ago, my family endured a six-hour car trip, and even though our car is not equipped with a DVD player it was made more bearable when I passed our iPads to our children. Despite being 5 and 6 years old respectively, they have already figured out how to play with them and look up videos on YouTube, so that kept them busy for a good while.

Later on, however, I found out that they hadn’t been playing or watching videos but rather taking videos! Much of it consisted of the back of my head and the conversation I was having with her father, nothing more, really. We had said nothing inappropriate, though my husband and I thought the kids were concentrated on their video games.

Those recordings made me think of two recent YouTube parenting episodes. The first was a much-publicized video showing a man, a judge by trade, beating his daughter. The victimized kid posted it to expose the abuse and prevent her sister from going through the same nightmare. It led to public condemnation of the father, who was placed under a temporary restraining order banning him from visiting his younger daughter.

The second was a cute video showing a dog responding to a toddler’s temper tantrum. Viewers can hear the mother laughing as she records the interaction. Here’s the clip:

Whereas the angry response to the first video was justified, some of the responses to the second were too harsh in my opinion.

The mother wrote a blog response that told of her shock at both the popularity of the video and, later, at the tone and content of many of the anonymous comments, including one that condemned her for doing ”nothing” as her baby cried.

Here is an excerpt from her letter:

“First I was angry – clearly this person didn’t have kids or they would know that coddling your child isn’t the answer to stopping every tantrum a 2-year-old has. I’ll let this roll off my shoulders… wait…  people think I’m a bad mom after watching this? Hold the Internet presses. We’re shutting down. No more video. No shows, no news reports. What if social services calls and says I’m raising my child incorrectly? Can I possibly defend myself?”

And the question is precisely that: Can she? Should she have to?

In the first example above, the video depicted abuse. It’s a good thing abusive parents have something to worry about but, should the rest of us be on guard, too?

More and more YouTube is part of our lives as parents. We are uploading many of the videos and soon, our children will be publicizing our daily lives, complete with our debatable parenting methods and mistakes.

What if my daughter secretly taped my bad mood this morning and emailed it around? Or, what about what I consider happy moments, such as my two children racing each other down the block? I might record that and send it to their grandparents, but if the video was passed on to YouTube, other people could anonymously criticize me for letting them run and shout. Would I have been so relaxed if I thought there was an audience?

Does the electronic age mean we should always consider ourselves parenting in public as if we were in some kind of “Truman Show” or Big Brother? If so, will that make us better parents?

Posted by Ana Etxebarria

According to a recent survey conducted in the US, children spend twice as much time watching TV as reading books… This adds a little bit more controversy to the already complex issue of kids and new technologies. Common Sense Media has published a study revealing that kids are using electronic media to an amazing extent.

According to the report:

• A whopping 40% of kids 2-4 years and over 50% of 5-8 year-olds have used a smartphone, tablet, or video iPod.
• Over 50% of children ages 0 to 8 have access to a mobile device.
• More than a quarter of children this age have ever used one of these newer mobile devices, including 10% of 0- to 1- year-olds, 39% of 2- to 4-year-olds, and 52% of 5- to 8-year-olds.
• Children under 2 spend twice as much time watching TV or DVDs as they do reading books.

To be honest with you I don’t find this surprising at all. If my own family had been subject to the study, the results would have been pretty much the same.

In addition, this study comes amid huge controversy over a recent recommendation by the American Academy of Pediatrics reminding parents with small children that they should not be allowing their little ones to watch TV or other screens. They even go as far as suggesting that parents should not watch TV while their kids are around.

However, in view of the study, it seems pretty complicated to convince parents to stop their children from watching TV or playing with an iPad. Or maybe we are focusing on the wrong question, especially when we witness behavior like this from a popular YouTube video of a baby ‘reading’ a magazine the only way she knows how:

The AAP has admitted that 90% of parents of children under 2 years old already allow some screen time, and Common Sense’s report suggests that most parents are rather permissive with electronic media for all age groups. Maybe it’s time to admit that the question is no longer if media should be allowed, but how much and what kind.

APP researchers found behavioral differences between kids who watched fast-paced cartoons with those who watched a slow-paced one, and discovered that only those who watched the frenetic show seemed to be adversely affected. It seems clear that neither the cartoon in question -“SpongeBob SquarePants”- nor any other programs, games or applications are intrinsically bad, although they can be negative if used inadequately. It is a question of common sense more than anything else, but it seems that many parents are unable to apply it and understand what is age-appropriate. And since the “experts” tend to look down on all screen time, it is difficult to know which shows and apps are best.

It’s now pretty clear that screen time is part of our kids’ lives at every age. For you not to understand that would be swimming against the tide. However, it is also true that many of us parents may need more guidance on how much media and what kind is best for the intellectual and cognitive development of our children.

How much screen time is allowed in your house? What sorts of programs and games are allowed?

Posted by Leyre Velasco

Christmas are getting near and still so many presents to get! However, many of us are still a bit reluctant to shop online as we believe we may fall victim to some scam. Here go a few tips which will help you avoid fraud and which will help you do your online Christmas shopping safely.

What to bear in mind when shopping online

1. Only visit trusted sites. Look for pages with a professional appearance, pages from a well-known brand, sites displaying a customer service telephone number… It is very important to know who you are buying from.
2. Be wary of prize-drawings and ridiculously good offers. Read the conditions of each promotion carefully to avoid nasty surprises.
3. Pay for your purchases securely.  There are different means of payment, for example, cash on delivery, Paypal , credit card, etc.  If you don´t choose cash on delivery payment, remember that you will have to provide more information, and therefore you must be sure that the transaction will be completely safe.
4. Make sure you are on a HTTPS page: Web addresses normally start with ‘HTTP’, for example: http://www.pandasecurity.com/homeusers/downloads
   However, the pages you make online payments on must be more secure and they should start with ‘HTTPS’ As you can see in the image, the Panda Security store URL begins with HTTPS and what’s more, it has a Verisign security certificate.
5. It is advisable to have a bank account with a credit card associated with it for making online purchases. This account will contain just the money you need for this purpose, making monitoring easier.
6. Keep product warranties in a safe place. Besides handling the electronic aspect of online purchases, e-businesses must offer straightforward warranties on products bought. The Web page must contain the following information:
   • Means of payment
   • Delivery terms
   • Product warranties
   • Returns
7. If you find out that the product you receive is faulty, is different from the one you purchased or the delivery terms are not fulfilled, file a complaint through the company’s Customer Service Dept.
8. If you don’t receive any answers and you suspect there could be some kind of fraud, report it as soon as possible.
9. Finally, keep a good antivirus installed. This is your barrier against phishing, spam and other Internet threats. If you are not sure about something during the installation or update processes, don’t leave it for later. Look for the appropriate solution in the Support pages and Support forums available to you for any queries you might have, even during the holidays.

Follow these simple tips and you won’t have any surprises when it comes to doing your Christmas shopping on the Internet. The end result will be the smile of those receiving your presents.

Nothing else from my side, I’d like to wish you all very happy holidays in the company of your loved ones.