La Piazza

Last week, in Hooked on the Internet? we described the symptoms someone going through a so-called addiction to the Internet could experience. Today we continue discussing this issue, as, incidentally, a couple of days ago, several newspapers published the findings of a study on Internet addiction. The study was carried out in seven European countries selected by the European Commission and 2000 teens took part in each country.

Here goes an extract of the key findings regarding the use – or abuse – of the Internet by European teenagers:

• 12,7% of European teenagers are at risk of developing an addiction to the Internet.
• Spain tops the ranking with 21,3% of teenagers at risk of becoming addicted to the Internet.
• 1.5% of Spanish teens are already experiencing the symptoms of an Internet addiction.
• 27,8% of Spanish teens reported using the Internet to the point of neglecting other activities.
• Spanish teens are particularly fond of social networks and chatrooms. In actual fact, 91,6% of Spanish teens from 14 to 17 years old use social networks on a daily basis.
• 39,2% admits spending more than two hours a day on these type of sites.

Almost 3 out of 10 use the Internet and neglect other activities and they spend 2 hours a day online!! Why? Well, I think the Internet is just the perfect environment for teens to express themselves. But, why so long a day? Because teens who already show signs of addiction have no limits. Whose responsibility is that? In my opinion, it is the parents’.

This is my take on the issue. By the time working parents get home after a hard day at work, they also have to look after the household tasks, tidy up the house, cook meals, make sure their children do their homework. After all those activities, the little energy left is dedicated to winding down in front of the computer, TV or, if they can keep their eyes open, read a book. Or a combination of them all.

When the weekend arrives, little time is left for sitting down and chatting to the children to interact with them, exchange thoughts and give them the advice and guidelines they so much need.

My point is that we should reflect on the concept of quality time. Now, this is my personal opinion, don’t feel patronised. To me, it is not so much a question of how much time you spend with them but rather on the quality of the amount of time you dedicate talking to them. I am also a busy working mom and my energy levels in the evening are at its lowest ebb. But I try to make a conscious effort with my child.

I suggest even if only for 20 minutes a day, save this slot for you and your children. Switch off the computer; turn off the TV and the mobile phone. That will be your time, no interference from Whatsapp or whatnot. Chat in a natural way, do not resort to (tempting)  one-way interrogations. Don’t take advantage of the new information they provide just to grill them.

Keep calm and actively listen. Find out what they worry about, what they enjoy, what they think of their friends, what they expect from you. Tell them about your worries as a parent but relate to them, you were a teenager yourself once – a long, long time ago -.  Explain that enjoying playing games online or having a good time on social networks is OK, tell them that you also think that technology is fantastic, but in moderation. Make sure they understand the dangers of the networks. Do not alarm them, but make sure they know what could happen if they are not reasonably cautious.

In my humble opinion, if parents and children dialogue from an early age, children will naturally understand and accept the need for limits without kicking up a fuss or rebelling. I think this could be a positive and worthy experience! Well, I hope so, anyway. What do you think?

Related posts

• Hooked on the Internet – Part I
• How come Lady Gaga is a bigger influence on them than me?
• Spying on kids: not yes or no, but how much?
• Mom, were you spying on me?

A new post on the parenting and teenagers struggle.

I am an advocate of communication between parents and children. I think it is essential for parents to be informed and to strive to make communication with children smooth and close.

Having made this statement, I regret to say that I have serious doubts about its utility.

At La Piazza we are continually giving advice on how to help our children protect themselves from the dangers of the Internet. Again and again we emphasize how we must talk to them, we try to make them see that the network can magnify any nonsense and multiply it by “n” turning something insignificant into a real tragedy. And unfortunately, there are dramatic cases to prove so.

Sometimes we have resorted to lists to advise parents and children: Top 10 tips on Internet safety that every parent should know, The 3 basic ways to prevent sexting, The 6 golden rules for children to use technology safely. Anyway, lists, lists and more lists which in addition to help us structure the post, rank well in terms of search engines, but.. are they at all useful?

Last week the local Police Computer Crime squad gave a talk at my children’s school. They explained in great detail and with real examples the dangers children face on the network. My children returned home surprised and shocked. As if they had never heard their father and I talk about these issues. Well, I guess a uniform can be more imposing yet not imposing enough, because a few days later, several of my middle child (12 years old) classmates were expelled from school for uploading pictures of their teachers to Facebook, obviously without their authorization. My big girl (15 years) changed her Twitter profile picture to one displaying half her body only covered by a small bikini top. Well, I guess it is a quick way to get followers. To top it all, both girls tweet nonstop about every detail of their daily lives, where they are, who with, where they will be going next, upload pictures of themselves, of their brothers …

Friends of mine have a 11 year-old child who blatantly lied to their parents when they caught him bragging on Facebook about the amount of alcohol he had drunk the day before. Despite trying to convince his parents that his Facebook account had been hacked, they began to watch it closely. Result: the child created a second profile where he could publish things “unfit” for parents …

Let’s do a memory exercise. All of us, parents of teens, were teenagers not so long ago. What crossed our then young and reckless heads? The same thing as it crosses their minds. The thing is that parents are not aware of anything. Teens know exactly what they need. No one understands them. They found the love of their lives and they will love him/her forever. And above all, what really matters are friends. Best friends. True. Those to whom they tell everything and the only ones who understand.

Therefore, what is the point of insisting that not everything on the Internet is true, that they have to be careful, that it is not good to give their location coordinates with great detail, that they should not upload photos from home – geolocation enabled of course, who ever remembers to disable it? -, and so on to complete a list of 10, 20, 30 points pointing out the infinite dangers of the network.

Parents have to resign and be aware that those who really influence their children are others. If Stephanie Meyer, famous for her Twilight books or any other writer popular among teenagers and young adults wrote a novel in which the central character was a teenager who was bullied in the network and driven to suicide, tragically like Amanda Todd’s trance, the impact and exemplary positive consequences would probably be vastly superior to any maternal / paternal advice to prevent them from sending “sexy” pictures  to their current “boyfriends”. Or imagine any of the characters in Glee going through something like what Tim Ribberink  – the poor old Dutch boy who committed suicide after years enduring jokes online about his sexuality – experienced. If the actor or actress managed the problem correctly, the beneficial effect for many teens scared of their sexuality would be awesome.

As parents, one thing must be clear, our children will not tell us anything until it’s too late and therefore, they will not follow any of our tips, as these are intended to restrict what they see as their own freedom.

What is left then? Using spying programs?

My position is always the same. This type of software should only be used as a last resort when there is reasonable suspicion that something serious may be happening. All there is left for us parents is to be very alert to any changes in behavior and never lower our guard. We must explain that these issues constitute a crime and must be denounced. And if in spite of all, they are already in trouble, we will give them all the understanding, help and support they need, both to get out of the mess and to teach them how to make it in this complicated cyber world we live in.

Published by Ana Etxebarria

Continuing our series of articles on children and new technologies, today we give you some simple tips to make sure your children stay safe on the Internet.

Last week I posted an article describing two different approaches to parenting in the digital age: controlling and permissive; and despite I am clearly in favor of the latter approach, I am also aware that you cannot lower your guard when dealing with Internet risks.

I still believe that interaction on the Internet is not very different from real-world interaction, and people who manage well in real life do at least equally well in the virtual world. In any event, I must admit the online world may pose additional risks due to the Internet’s immunity and anonymity.

How can you help your children deal with that threat?

1. Just as you know about your children’s friends, you better also know who your child contacts on the Internet.
2. Keep an eye on how much time your children spend online, including other points of Internet access too, like smartphones and gaming consoles.
3. Just as you teach your children never to talk to strangers or accept gifts from them, remind them never to physically meet anyone they’ve only become friends with online. If they decide to meet a cyber-friend in person, go with them.
4. Talk to kids about the types of information they post online and how it can impact their reputation and future. Kids can unknowingly give out personal details about their life that could be maliciously used… And embarrassing and inappropriate photos and comments can stay with you forever.
5. Teach them to be cautious with giving too much personal information, such as their location, their parents’ working hours, hobbies, etc. The less potential ‘unfriends’, the better.
6. As Facebook makes frequent changes to its privacty policy, it is a good idea to sit with your kids and check out their online profiles with them. Pay special attention to their privacy settings and which messages, photos and personal details are accesible to whom.

Are you comfortable monitoring your child’s online world? What are your family’s technology ground rules?

Published by Ana Etxebarria

Social media has become an extension of the high school playground for the vast majority of teenagers, with its share of flirting, drama, cruelty and flashes of maturity.

In addition, electronic behavior has become a new frontier of parenting and, as a result, our own behavior may be changing as fast as our kids. We’re watching them more closely, talking to them more about online activities and understanding that social media has become part of growing up.

Friends

Another surprising fact is that 80 percent of parents who use social media (and who also have a child who uses social media) have friended their child on these sites.

This ‘friendship’ poses a dilemma for parents, who have to choose between being controlling parents who check which websites their children have visited, use parental control software, etc, or permissive parents who don’t embrace the trend to monitor and encourage their children’s autonomy.

According to recent studies, only a small percentage of parents (about 15 percent) consciously avoid monitoring their children’s online activities because they trust them. In my opinion that is an incredibly low figure.

I am a mother of three and I belong to a generation where social interaction between children took place in the playground. Well, let my tell you something: back then parents also fell into one of the aforementioned two categories. There were those who didn’t trust their children despite in some cases not having a reason for not doing so, and those who trusted them. Luckily, my parents belonged to the latter group although I had close friends whose parents showed an incredibly high level of distrust towards them.

So, if you think you know your children well enough, there is good communication between you and them, you are a good role model for them, and there is no reason to the contrary…Why not trust your kids? Why are we so worried and why some of us get so intrusive?

Not so long ago a friend of mine told me that they had installed some sort of ‘spyware’ (I can’t find a better word for it) on their 11-year-old son’s computer and they monitor every step he takes online: the games he plays, the sites he visits, the time he spends on each page, the photos he downloads, who he chats with, the content of his conversations, etc. Isn’t it terrible? That’s like reading someone’s journal, tapping their phone lines or hiding cameras in every room in their apartment.

Do you monitor your child’s social media activities? Do you use parental controls? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your opinions or personal experiences.

Published by Darragh Kelly, May 19th 2010

Social media is being embraced by individuals and companies in all industries and internally across all company silos. Whether companies are adapting to or embracing new media correctly is up for discussion what is not however is the ever increasing use of this new media which is gradually becoming more integrated in today’s business communication processes.

So we are all, the business and individual, starting to leverage the many benefits of being connected to the masses in this new form. However, there are also other not so positive aspects to this connectivity; whilst minimal they must not be discarded.

• Anything that connects or congregates the masses has a certain element of risk and this risk must be managed. We can see this quite clearly in airports, train stations, sports stadiums, etc. In these physical spaces we can see that security is implemented to counter act the probable risks.  In these situations we can see how the officials at these physical spaces (airports,…), take these security precautions on our behalf and for the overall integrity of the environment.

• As individuals this security is comforting, even though we may complain about long queues, etc. we understand that it is necessary. However, we also know that this security is not all inclusive. When we are in crowded areas, even though official security exists, we are always more conscious of our vulnerabilities. For the same reason we take certain precautions in order to protect ourselves. Such precautions could include making sure our bags are closed, that are wallets are in our inside jacket pockets and difficult to access. My wife, for example, will wear specific hand bags which she wears closer to her person.

• In addition, if we see posters like “Beware of pickpocketers” we are even more cautious, this makes us recheck our personal security protocol: our wallets, money, passports, etc. and we do this almost sub consciously.

So we know that there are inherent risks in crowded areas and generally speaking we act accordingly and if we are additionally warned we will become even more cautious.

So, why then do we congregate through social media without taking any precautions? And why do we not pay any attention to the security warnings? I know that all IT security companies, including my own Panda Security, are trying to get those “posters” everywhere they can but apparently it is proving to be an uphill battle.

I am no anthropologist but I have a theory as to why this happens, and like all theories I cannot prove it and I don’t claim that it is right, it’s just my theory…in which I think the following 3 factors are part of the problem: environment, pain (cause and effect) and social fabric.

Before I go into each point above I would also mention that there is an obvious variable in this equation and that is the novelty of the threat. It is all so relatively new, we still have not been affected enough to internalize the situation as we have with other threats so I believe there is a learning curve here in which we must mature and the socialization of this information is key. However, that being said I still feel there are other factors which are not so tangible and they are as follows:

Environment:

• Physical: In the physical crowd we are more cautious in unfamiliar spaces. This is a basic defense mechanism in which we constantly look for the known and when we do not find it we know that there is a variable of risk. The risk variable causes uncertainty and influences our actions, as such we take precautions.

• Virtual: We congregate in our virtual worlds (networks, communities) whilst, obviously, being physically in our safe, familiar physical contexts, such as our homes or work places. As such we do not perceive the danger associated with our virtual surroundings, it gives us a false sense of security.

Pain (cause and effect):

• I  am outside my knowledge area here, however I will try. In the physical world if you get pick pocketed this would be a horrendous ordeal for the person involved. I would imagine that this creates a feeling of personal vulnerability and sense of violation. This has never happened to me; however it is pretty clear in my mind that there are serious consequences if I am not careful. You can visualize the consequences and as such internalize what could happen.

• In the virtual world, however, it all seems to be a lot of harmless clicks. You cannot visualize the actual attack as it is all a lot of 101110011001. Also we do not associate The negative consequences, and believe me they exist, with our actions. Our PC runs slower, Internet connection is slower, PC blocks completely. At a business level, mail servers running slow, staff complaining about IT problems etc. However, we do not have that same clear cause and effect as we mentioned in the real world, it is obviously annoying what is happening but…. these things happen, …after all its IT, right?

Trust / Social Fabric:

• It has been seen at least in virtual gaming worlds that gamers have an instinct to trust.  The attitude of gamers in virtual online worlds is to trust and share resources and challenges with unknown strangers. I am sure this can be extrapolated to nearly all virtual networks. Personally I am more trusting in a virtual environment due to the two points mentioned before, I do not perceive danger and I see so negative consequences that could be associated with my actions.

• I have no doubt that the socialization of these real risks will have a direct impact on the points mentioned above but it seems that progress is slow. This is a huge challenge for the entire online community as a whole and this is my small contribution to an improved understanding of the risks that are out there.

So the take away here is be informed of the risks, be aware and take the necessary precautions. This is not rocket science by the way; there are very simple steps to take which can reduce the risk dramatically.

To get informed I would recommend that you sign up to a security feed which gives updated information about IT security issues and good practical examples on what you should do to protect yourself and data. There are plenty of excellent blogs and sites out there that are endeavoring to socialize this information. I can share the ones I use.

• Panda Labs blog

• Bleeping Computer

• US Government Body, OnGuardOnline

• Microsoft Malware Protection Center

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My name is Darragh Kelly, I am a native of Dublin but have lived in Spain since 2000. I have worked in Panda since 2001 and have been fortunate to have been able to have work in many areas within the company; QA, Tech Support, Training and shortly I will begin a new career challenge in Product Marketing. I find all forms of communication fascinating.

If you want to contact me please check out my blog http://www.darraghkelly.me or follow me on Twitter http://twitter.com/D_P_Kelly.